My Spidey Sense is tingling

So, all through my pregnancy people have been asking me how I have been feeling.  At this point, I feel pretty good, but I am also entering my final trimester at this point and understand that things will go down hill from here.  First of all, I want to say one thing about all those people who talk about pregnant women glowing.  That's a freaking JOKE!!!  People don't glow.  I think that "glow" is actually a look similar to something like jaundice which comes from feeling like utter crap for such a long period of time.  I even asked my doctor about the whole glowing thing and she agreed with me that statement is a freaking farce!  Secondly, a bunch of people had been telling me that my second trimester would be great and that I will feel the best I have ever felt during those months.  Again, that's a freaking LIE!  Why are all these people lying to pregnant people?!?!  Granted, I feel better now, but is this the best I've ever felt?!?!  HELL TO THE NO!!!  Can I eat without booting every 10 seconds?  Yes.  Can I stay awake and functioning for more than 8 hours?  Yes, barely.  Is this the best I have ever felt? Uh, no.  I would have to say I felt better, um, maybe 21 POUNDS AGO!!!  I am slowing approach the point of needing a crane to get up off of the couch and having my own gravitational pull for any objects that happen to be orbiting me.  Of course, this includes Kit Kat bars which may help account for the 21 pounds, but we'll just overlook that fact for a moment if you don't mind. 

The thing which has been happening to my body as of late which is more annoying than anything else is that my sense of smell has significantly heightened.  Normally, this might be kind of cool, but let me remind you of a few things.  First, I work in a school and, as we all know, kids are smelly.  So, lucky me, I get to smell them that much more intensely than I did before.  WOOHOO!!!  Second, I have two small dogs and while I bathe them regularly, they do have a tendency to stink and to pass the most amazingly disgusting odors from their bodies that I have ever experienced.  I mean, if pregnancy was going to come with the ability to heighten my senses and give me super powers, why couldn't I have some cool powers like x-ray vision, super human speed or strength, or the ability to fly or something?  Why the sense of smell?  And if that isn't enough, with the sense of super smell also comes the increasing frequency and intensity of my own ability to pass gas.  Yes, that's right.  The irony of the super sense of smell comes the fact that my body will now produce the most grotesque odors it has ever produced and I am forced to experience them in a way that only those around me should have to experience.  It's sheer and utter cruelty I tell you.  I still wish I could cash in for a different super power.  Maybe something like the ability to eat as many Kit Kat bars as I want without gaining weight.  THAT would be spectacular!!!