Their Tails are Made ouf ot Springs

The theme in RM's room is classic Winnie the Pooh and her favorite toy is a stuffed Piglet.  So, naturally, when the new Winnie the Pooh movie came out, we thought, "Sweet.  We'll take her to that as her first movie".  The movie is just over an hour long and I figured we had a shot at having her sit through that.  You might be asking yourself right now, "Why would you think that an 18 month old would sit through that?"  Well, that would have been a good question for me to really sit and ponder before we went to the movie (please note that I said "would have been" implying that I did not actually take the time to think it through).  I didn't really think about the fact that my child has the attention span of a hyperactive gnat on speed and that she can't stand to watch more than 10 seconds of a television show without running around.  Actually, in all fairness to me, I did think about that (which is even a bit more baffling as to how we came to the conclusion that the movie was a good idea), but I thought that if she saw her favorite characters on a screen the size of our house, it might hold her attention.  Yeah.  Ok.  Right.

We decided we would take her to a Tuesday matinee after work.  We let her day care provider, Rosemary, know we'd be by right at 2 to pick her up and why....  Now, have you ever gotten that look from someone that says, "Huh?  Are you nuts?" but they are just too polite to say that to your face?  You must know the look I mean.  That look where the person looks you square in the eye with a slight head tilt and a bit of a smirk when you know they are questioning the level of your intelligence silently in their own mind.  The look?  Anyone?  Ok, well, it's not really that important.  What is important is that we took her to a Winnie the Pooh matinee.  We were excited.  It was going to be a fun time.  Yeah.  Ok.  Right.

Now, I feel like I had been getting messages sent to me all along that this was not a good idea (e.g. her complete lack of interest in t.v., Rosemary's silent rebuke), but I was determined to press on.  We walked into the theater with our movie passes that we bought from AAA and I was going to buy snacks with a gift card I had gotten from my company.  All set.  Cheap date.  We get to the counter, I order the tickets, and the kind clerk says, "I'm sorry.  We don't accept those anymore.  You can call this number to get a refund for what you paid for them".  Ok.  No problem.  I can pay cash for that.  $15 later, we are headed over to the concession stand to get some drinks (Don't tell, but I snuck in goldfish and graham crackers for RM to snack on).  Alright, I'll use the gift card to pay for the drinks and this still shouldn't be too bad.  I hand the clerk my card and..."I'm sorry.  This card doesn't seem to be registered in our system".  Really?!?!  Ok.  These should have been clear signs to us that this was not a good idea.  Did I heed the signs?  No.  (On the bright side, the fact that I am so bad about reading such signals is a good indicator that I will never be the person standing on a street corner with a cardboard sign that says, "Jesus is coming.  Look busy").  So, back to the clerk who is now asking me for cash and handing me back a worthless piece of plastic that I was supposed to have received as a token of appreciation from my job (perhaps the fact that the card did not work is a commentary from my employer about my performance.  Nah.  That's not it...).  Ok.  No problem.  I'll pay with my debit card.  $10 later and we head into the theater.  Our timing was pretty good in that we missed most of the coming attractions and sat down right as the warm-up cartoon was coming on.  I think it was called "Nessie and the Loch", but I don't know for sure.  The reason I don't know for sure is that RM really had no interest in watching it, so I was doing my best song and dance to keep her quiet until the main attraction reared its head on the screen and I knew she'd love it!  Yeah.  Ok.  Right.   

A few minutes later, Nessie was done and the movie was about to begin.  As soon as it started, she was mesmerized.  She sat on my lap, looked at the screen, and I think "Alright.  Here we go".  We even got an "Ooooh" out of her when she realized it was Pooh.  This sense of awe lasted approximately...oh, I don't know...8 seconds.  Then, squirmy.  Wait!  Dat-da-da-DA!  Goldfish to the rescue!  She quickly settled back into my lap and snacked on her crackers.  Ok.  Good.  This is working....3 minutes later...squirmy.  Hold on!  Goldfish cracker brought his trusty sidekick - Graham!!!!  I whip out the graham crackers and I get another, "Ooooh" (Really?!?!  The giant screen gets the same response as a graham cracker?).  Great.  That bought us a few more minutes.  And by a few, I'd say another 3.  Winnie the Pooh, I'd like you to meet Madame Squirms-A-Lot.  So, Nicole and I take turns picking her up and walking around the side entrance to the theater (you know, that long aisle you walk down when you enter your theater while you hope there aren't too many people there only to turn the corner and see.......(what?  fill in your own blank, you lazy bastard)).  This worked for another few minutes until Madame realized there were lights on the floor and that these lights were not only in that entry aisle, but also all the way up the stairs that go all the way to the back of the theater.  Sadly, this realization was the most exciting part of her afternoon.  As soon as she saw the lights, we got our third and most emphatic "Ooooh" of the day out of her, as well as a few, "Loooook"(s) and other ramblings that, of course, happen at the top of her little lungs (which work quite well, thank you for asking).  The lights on the floor were the single most tantalizing aspect of this adventure for her.  She wanted to roam the entire theater and find out where all these lights went, and she would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for her meddling parents (you're welcome, fans of Scooby Doo).  Us, being the curmudgeons that we are, picked her up and would not allow her to run up and down the stairs in the theater.  She quickly let us know how she felt about that by expressing herself freely.  And by freely, I mean loudly (Did I mention her lungs work quite well?).  So, about 30 minutes into the movie, Nicole and I picked up our little Ebert and left.  We didn't even get to see how it ended....well, actually, we didn't get to see how it started either, so I guess....  Anyway, that was $25 well spent.  Yeah.  Ok.  Right.