For those of you who have children, you know that only people who either hate you or don't have the sense of hearing will give your child gifts that are obnoxiously and relentlessly noisy (or they are giving you back the gifts you have given to their children at some other point in time). With that being said, our little girlie is no exception as she has musical instruments, radios, riding toys, dolls, stuffed animals, and countless other pieces of crap that all contribute to the noise level in our little hamlet. She even has a little horse thing you ride on that makes galluping noises (which is where we ended up with the Facebook post of "You may NOT ride that horse naked!").
Being a 2 year old, she enjoys playing with her toys as much and as often as possible. This means that her toys take over every possible space in our house (e.g. living room, bedrooms, bathroom, dog crate) as we desperately try to carve out a safe space for us that is toy free. Her room, however, is her space and she can have as many noisy toys in there as she likes. And she likes. Because she has noisy toys in there. A lot of them. They sing, dance, talk, play music, and I think one of them may actually be a speech writer for ___________ (insert favorite despised politician's name here). She loves her toys so much that, when we put her to bed at night, there is barely room for her in there as she is surrounded by her favorites, while the second string sits in baskets, on benches, or in chairs scattered about her room.
So, one night, several weeks back, we had put her to bed at her usual bedtime and she fell asleep at HER usual bedtime (about 2 hours after we put her down), which is our signal that it is safe for the rest of us to go to bed. I curl up, watch a little t.v. in my room and off to dreamland I go. So, we're all sleeping soundly until I hear a voice that says, "Peek a boo! I see you!" in a really creepy and demented way. Let me tell you, at 3 a.m., when I hear ANY voice saying "peek a boo! I see you!" you can bet your ass I'm coming out of bed swinging my baseball bat (which is really just a wiffle ball bat I keep under my bed, but it makes me feel better). I am pretty sure I had to change my shorts after that awakening until I realized it was this little Playskool dog that someone had given to RM as a gift. This thing names colors and shapes and plays all kinds of songs. And, yes, it has some sayings too. What I want to know, though, is who came up with the mechanism that will make this thing say the creepiest thing it can possibly say at 3 am? Would I have freaked out as bad if it started singing, "Heads, shoulders, knees and toes"? Probably not. But, it didn't say that. It said, "Peek a boo! I see you!" And, the creepiest part of that whole thing is that this toy wasn't even in bed with her. It was clear across the room. All by itself. And now I know, it was secretly plotting to give me a heart attack in the middle of the night. Needless to say, I went in to her room, grabbed the toy, open the battery compartment and...YOU WON"T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!!! I took the batteries out. What?!?! Did you actually think I was going to say there were no batteries in there. This isn't a movie. It's just a story about a smart ass dog trying to scare me to death. Geez. Get a grip.
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