If it's Tuesday, this must be...

So, those of you who know me know that I am what can be referred to as...cheap.  Frugal.  A penny pincher.  Pick your poison, the end result is the same - I'm always going to look for the cheapest way to get stuff done.  My favorite saying is, "If it's free, it's for me".  To give you an idea, when our kitchen sink was leaking last year, I climbed under the cabinet and started taking things apart.  Nicole was none too happy about that approach since I have no clue how to fix a leaky pipe, but my thought was if I'm going to pay the plumber $90 just to come to my house, I may as well have one crazy mess for him to deal with (And, for the record, I was able to fix the kitchen sink for only $10 in parts.  Yeah me!).  (Did you see where I put that period?  Is that where it is supposed to go?  No clue.  Maybe I should ask the plumber.).

Ok, back to my story.  I'm cheap.  So, when it was time for summer to begin and we began talking about vacations, my inner Ebenezer started working overtime (and Ebenezer doesn't like overtime for obvious reasons) trying to figure out how to pay for the vacations without having to sell my one functioning kidney  (Ok, I exaggerated.  Both kidneys work.  However, since college, they maybe would be found on the clearance rack at your local black market organ dealer.  Just saying).  Here were the vacations that were "must dos" for the summer - Old Orchard Beach, Maine with Nicole's family; Gainesville, FL to meet our new niece; Philly to hang out with some friends from grad school.  Now, geography was not one of my strong suits growing up, but I can sure as shit tell you that Maine and Florida are pretty damn far apart.  "How far apart?" you ask.  I'd say that was a good question if I hadn't just told you.  I'll say it again, the answer is they are pretty damn far apart.  If you're going to read the blog, at least pay attention to what you just read.  Geez.  With that being said, I began plotting to make our vacations affordable and enjoyable.  That's possible, right?  Well, I guess we'll find out.

Ok, vacation one:  Maine - 1 week.  First, let's deal with getting there.  That one's easy - we'll drive.  It's only about 3 hours or so from where we live and it should be a breeze.  We can fit all of our stuff in the car and we'll only need one take of gas.  Lodging - check.  The In-Laws rent a condo every year that sleeps a lot of people, so we can stay there.  And, since it's a condo, we can cook there!  Yeehaa!  Vacation one: On the Cheap!  Mission Accomplished.  (Thank you, Haeselers!)

Vacation Two: Gainesville - 10 days.  Ok, so flights to Gainesville are costly and RM now needs her own seat, so there's three of us that need seats.  $$$$$$.  Then, we'll need a place to stay while we're there since my brother-in-law and his family are not only adjusting to a new born, but are doing it in a home that they just bought in December and are in the process of renovating (and when I say renovating, I mean they are gutting it down to the rafters and starting fresh).  Needless to say, our own place to stay is an absolute must.  Ok, so let's get a place that will be big enough to hang out in, cook our meals in, and play at if we need to.  $$$$$.  And, of course, we can't go to Florida and not go visit Disney for at least a day.  $$$$.

Vacation Three: Philly area - 3 days.  Again, close enough to drive (about 4 hours) and we'll be seeing friends who are visiting from out of town and others who live there, so some meals out and some meals in.  Lodging - yes, please.  And, one day is going to consist of Sesame Place.  Hmmm.  My wallet is hyperventilating and MasterCard is already sending me flowers and thank you notes.

Holy crap.  That's a lot of vacation.  Translation - how in the hell am I going to pay for this without selling both of my bargain basement kidneys?  Let's back track.  Maine, easy.  Not going to cost much at all.  Florida...uh...uuummm....yeah.  Ok, flying is not going to happen.  Let's talk about driving.  We've done it before and it wasn't so bad.  Right?  Nicole's sister and nephew are going to come with us which will help with driving and entertaining RM on the road.  We can split the drive into two days and then we can share the costs for the trip.  That won't be so bad.  I know.  I know.  Those of you who are reading (and actually paying attention this time) are saying to yourselves, "Are you NUTS?"  A two year old, an eleven year old and 3 adults in the car for two days?!?!?!  And, believe it or not, I had that thought for a brief moment, but then Ebenezer (henceforth referred to "Ebby") began chirping in my head, "Flights.  Parking at the airport.  Renting a car. Blah. Blah. Blah."  "FINE!" I yelled back in my head.  "We'll drive!"  And I noticed that as I yelled back at him in my head, everyone around me was looking at me, so it wasn't really so much in my head after all. (That's really bad when your shrink is yelling at her own voices.)  Whatever.  We're driving.  And, actually, the drive down wasn't horrible.  We stopped every few hours to pee and stretch.  We packed food, snacks, and drinks for the car.  We made up goody bags to give to the kids as we crossed each state line (which was fine until we got to Virginia.  What a long state!) and we loaded up the iPad with every freaking movie I could think to let my kid watch.  So, long story short, the drive down there wasn't so bad.  We got to the hotel on the first night, had dinner, I checked the room for bed bugs (hell yes I did.  Don't judge me.  Ebby was telling me I had to because we didn't want a costly exterminator bill when we got home.  Again, don't judge me), and we went to bed.  We managed to stay at hotels that all included hot breakfast with the room (again, Ebby made sure of that) and we made it to Florida before dinner the next day.  Spending time with family down there was great and we did manage to take the kids to Hollywood Studios for a day (thank you to the fine people at 2nd Street Organs for taking my bad kidney and making that day possible).

On the way back, we stopped over in Philly for a few days to spend time with friends.  Now, here is where the trip got a little hairy.  Not because of the drive (although that put people on edge).  Not because of the company (although afer the car trip, I think everyone needed some time apart).  Not because of the money piece (Ebby and I had reached an agreement and were doing ok together).  No.  What was doing us in was that we had been travelling for far too long and our little munchkin was done with not sleeping at home.  (She had been sleeping with us for the trip which was an adjustment for all as we had never done that in her entire life.  And let me tell you, for someone so little, she takes up an inordinate amount of room in a king bed.)  So, at this point, we were a little homesick and sleep deprived.  I was tired of checking for bed bugs as my paranoia was kicking into high gear (again, bad news when your shrink is also struggling with paranoid thinking) and, even though Ebby and I had come to an agreement, I was pretty much done with the whole hemorrhaging of money thing. 

We get to Philly and our hotel has been overrun with a soccer tournament for young teenage boys with minimal supervision.  (Do I really need to say anymore about this?  No, I didn't think so either).  Ok, whatever.  Big place, I can deal.  We meet up with our friends and make a plan for Sesame Place.  Great.  We get up the next morning, have a hot breakfast and head out.  "Oh boy!  Monkey is going to LOVE this!" That was the naive thought that ran through my head as we drove there.  Once we arrived, however, I quickly came to the realization that a theme park geared toward pre-school children probably had some flaws.  First, the rides were a little small in terms of the number of people each attraction could accomodate at once.  At first, this gives you the impression of a cozy little ride.  However, when you get in line and realize you're going to be there until your child enters middle school, your perspective begins to shift.  Then, since it is a park geared toward young children, you also are quickly reminded of the fact that two year olds don't wait well.  Translation: we were surrounded by a bunch of miserable, screaming children and their equally frustrated and miserable parents and we had actually chosen this as the way to spend our day.  I think my frustration hit the absolute boiling point when, while waiting in line for a while, we finally got close to the attraction and my bundle of joy said she didn't want to go on "that one".  Needless to say, her little butt got to ride on a ride she didn't want to go on and she was going to be happy about it, damn it!  (Sidebar: This situation was reminiscent of a situation at Hollywood Studios where we waited in line for about an hour to see Buzz and Woody from Toy Story.  We were literally the next people in line when they turn to us and say, "We're going to take a short break".  I can't really describe what happened next, but my face must have said it all as their handler looked at me and said, "I promise we'll just be 2 minutes" and they were.  Of course, just as they took their places and the lady turned to us to call us over, our little angel turns to me and says, "I need to go potty".  For any of you who have a child potty training or who remember hearing stories of this time, when the kid says, "I need to go potty" you now have a 3 second window to find a bathroom.  Luckily for us, the lady mercifully let us go use the potty and sneak back in through the back entrance so we didn't have to wait again.  I think I may have to send her a Christmas card this year).  Ok, back to Sesame Place.  When we last left our heroines, they were battling the grumpy, napless throngs of pre-schoolers who were pinching and snotting all over the characters while being supervised (or not) by equally grumpy, napless, snot covered adults.   We get off the ride and, after RM had cried and whined for the first two hours of the day, we decided let's stop and have some lunch to give everyone a break.  (Our friends had bravely packed a picnic lunch and left the park to go enjoy that.  We had also packed a picnic lunch, but I was ready to kill someone, so I took my frustrations out on my wallet and waistline.  Truly coping mechanisms I have come to embrace over the years (ok, so maybe I'm not the shrink for you.  Stop judging me.))  We got to the food court and Nicole found us a table while I got in line for food.  Princess Cries A Lot came with me to pick out her meal and it was here that I came to realize the diabolic marketing genius of Sesame Place.  When we got to the front of the cafeteria style line, the desserts were the very first things to pick out.  Of course a kids place is going to have dessert out first!  And, the very first thing out is a super sized cupcake with enough frosting on it to paint my house and it looks like Elmo.  So, of course, Princess picks out the cupcake and I, of course, agree to give it to her to make her stop crying for any length of time.  Well, my friends, I don't know what they put in those cupcakes there, but I'm fairly certain there was a pint sized dose of kiddie crack because my kid's total mood shifted before we even got to the register to pay for our meal.  She had sucked the face right off the cupcake and was literally singing and dancing her way back to the table.  She ate some of her lunch and was in a rip roaring good time mood the rest of the afternoon.  What holy hell was in that cupcake, I can not say, but I would also like to send a Christmas card to that baker.  God bless you, who ever you are!

Oh, and to end the day, we went on some water rides and RM didn't even bother asking for the potty, she just decided to pee on me.  And, she didn't even give me fair warning, I just felt the warm flow gently travel down my body as I held her in my arms while waiting for one of the water rides.  What fun. 

All in all, the summer travels were fun, but Ebby and I will need to have a long talk before we do anything like that again.