So, I have a confession to make. I am fascinated by both the Amish and Little People. There, I said it. First, let me start with my utter and complete love of the Amish. I don't even know where to begin with this one. Let me start here: the town of Intercourse, PA is smack dab in the middle of Amish country. Really? I don't care who you are, the irony of that is so completely entertaining to me that it must be mentioned right at the outset. However, the name of the town is not what has fueled my love of everything Amish. In fact, what has fueled my love has been, shockingly enough, the television shows I have seen about the Amish (again, an irony that must be noted given the Amish lifestyle).
A few years back, I saw a show called "Amish in the City" and it was essentially about a group of Amish going on their Rumspringa. For those of you who don't know what that is, Rumspringa is essentially a time where Amish teens are allowed, and encouraged, to leave their communities and go live amongst "the English" where they are allowed to experience all the things that are forbidden within the Amish community. Essentially, these teens and young adults are given carte blanche to go drinking, drugging, and having as much sex as they can tolerate. It's like the Super Bowl of sowing one's wild oats. The idea behind it is people are given a chance to see what the outside world has to offer and then can make an informed decision about whether or not they want to become full fledged members of the Amish community. If they do, they return home and return to the Amish way of life. If they don't, they stay living among "the English" and many are often shunned and banned from returning to their communities. While the latter part of that seems a bit harsh, the whole idea of Rumspringa is simply AWESOME! I would LOVE to have been given a free pass to do whatever the hell I wanted to do and then come home without having to talk about it or deal with the repercussions of it (and, no, I don't mean college...it came close, but not close enough). I mean, think about it. It's not like if you were featured on "Good Girls Gone Bad" your family or friends would see it on a late night infomercial. You could get your license suspended and it wouldn't matter because if going back to the Amish, you're just going to be driving a horse and buggy anyway! Essentially, as long as you don't get arrested for any major, violent crime, you're GOLDEN! So, this "Amish in the City" show followed these kids as they went through their Rumspringa and it was fascinating to watch. One thing I absolutely loved about that show was that these kids could party like freaking rock stars. It was amazing to see. How do these kids, who have been completely deprived of so many things, have such a high tolerance?!?! Do you have any idea how long it took me to build up a tolerance like that while I was in college? Let me just say this, it took a damn long time and it sure as hell was not pretty along the way. Anyway, that show got me absolutely hooked and I have since watched any show out there about the Amish that I can get my hands on. Unfortunately, as one can imagine, there aren't too many out there because it's hard to do a t.v. show about a culture that doesn't embrace many modern conveniences as they believe these things will damage or harm the closeness of the community. Also, some groups don't believe in taking or having pictures, so a t.v. show becomes virtually impossible unless maybe you have someone with a really good memory and inherent artistic ability who can sketch what they remember. Personally? I wouldn't watch that kind of show. However, all bets are off when it comes to Rumspringa and those who left the Amish, so that's where my education comes from. Yee ha!
My second infatuation, as I mentioned earlier, is my complete and utterly ridiculous fascination with little people. Perhaps it goes back to Mini Me. Perhaps it goes back to the guy on Jackass. Perhaps it goes back to the Wizard of Oz (Nah, that can't be it. I hated that movie...for the most part. The only thing about that movie that was entertaining to me was that my brother was absolutely TERRIFIED by the flying monkeys. He would whimper and hide his face like a little girl when they would come on and that was my favorite part of the movie. Hahahaha...flying monkeys). In any case, I don't know how this came to be, but perhaps it has something to do with my own stature challenges. Being Portuguese, I'm not exactly getting recruited to play forward on any basketball teams and I certainly am not reaching that absolutely useless cabinet located above the refrigerator in the kitchen. Come on. You all know what cabinet I'm talking about. Everyone has one and probably none of you know what's in the cabinet, if anything at all, because you can never get to the damn thing. I have to get a chair, climb on the counters and then I can get up there. Useless. Who came up with that as a viable solution for that space? Certainly not a little person...or a Chop. Sorry, I drifted. Just like with the Amish, there have been t.v. shows about little people that have been very entertaining to me...Little People, Big World. The Little Couple. Pit Boss. Wonderful, the lot of them. I also hear there is a porn featuring little people. I think it's called something like, "Under the Rainbow". I haven't seen it myself and I can't even really imagine what it must be like (If anyone reading this has any knowledge of that movie, let me know).
Anyway, I have always wondered why Randy Newman sang about his distaste for this portion of the human race in his wildly popular song.. You all know the song I'm talking about and don't pretend you don't. In fact, I am so confident you all know the song, that I'm not going to discuss it any further. I will say, in Mr. Newman's defense, that he claims the song was supposed to be highlighting prejudice and he, in no way, has any negative feelings toward little people. If that's true, that just seems like a stupid song choice to me and maybe he should have fired his agent, but, then again, I haven't made millions writing and singing songs, so what the hell do I know? Ok, so back to where I was, I don't have a clue why I love little people, but I do. Hulk Hogan is producing a show about little people wrestlers...It's called "Micro Wrestlers". While the name seems a bit demeaning, it could be interesting because I'm fairly confident that the majority of the people on that show could kick my ass without much difficulty (despite my herculean efforts at the gym...and, just so we're clear, the herculean part comes from me trying to get out of bed at the ass crack of the ass crack of dawn). Will, I watch the Hulk Hogan show? Not sure, but there's a good chance. But, if someone would make a show about little Amish people...well, I don't think I need to tell you how absolutely ridiculously excited I would be to watch that.
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