I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but when the Munchkin was born, she came shooting out of my tunnel of love while riding a wave of her own poop. Yes. That's what I said...a wave of her own poop. It was to the point where the nurses had to jump out of the way and one of them went, "Whoa. Someone get a mop". So, we knew that her plumbing worked just fine and that she had given herself a pretty thorough gut cleaning as a way of starting herself off fresh. She was born on a Thursday early afternoon and we were discharged from the hospital that following Saturday.
Now, while in the hospital, the nursing staff like to make sure she's eating and drinking enough and one of the ways they do that is to weigh diapers for liquids and...well, poop. Peeing, not a problem. Pooping, however, was not happening any more. The nursing staff gave us a paper that provided us with a chart to keep track of how many times she peed and pooped while in the hospital and would also let us track it for the first week home. Being as anal and somewhat rigid I am about meeting goals like that, I started to get a little preoccupied by the fact that she was not pooping and, when it was time to be discharged, the pediatrician who checked her out did little to calm my fears. She basically said if monkey didn't poop by Sunday afternoon, to call our pediatrician. Great. Way to send home a new mom who already has enough anxiety. I'm surprised you didn't send me home with a list of common household items which are sure to kill my child if she's even in the same room with them. I mean, there are so many things they freak parents out about, "Don't let them sleep on their bellies b/c they could choke or suffocate"; "Make sure you have a fan in the room b/c that has been shown to help prevent SIDS, but we really don't know why SIDS happens. Some kids are just more prone to it due to brain chemistry", and may all time personal favorite, "More children are killed in car accidents despite being properly restrained". Anxiety 15, Jen 0.
Ok, so back to the poop. Sunday comes and no poop. So, we call the pediatrician and they didn't seem too worried. They told us to wait until Wednesday and, if still no poop, then we should call and they would see her to stick something up her butt to make her go and figure out what the problem was. Poor kid. I didn't have a doctor sticking things up my butt until I was in high school....wait, is that an overshare? Sorry. Be happy I didn't include any pics. Now, an interesting thing happens when there is a newborn in your home and there is some concern about the poop...you suddenly have family and friends who are calling fairly regularly to ask about your child's toileting patterns. We began receiving regular inquiries into our baby's pooping (or nonpooping) habits and Nicole and I found ourselves on poop patrol. With every slight change in the aroma in the air around us, we would check her diaper. Most of the time, the culprit for the air quality change was "the dog"...uh-huh. Each time, no luck. Monday came and went...no poop. Tuesday was Nicole's birthday and my family came over to have dinner to celebrate her birthday and spend time with the little one. It's amazing, but most of the dinner conversation revovled around poop. I say it's amazing because poop has not dominated any of my conversations since grad school. Prior to that, it was a fairly common topic, but not since I've matured...I hear you all laughing. Stop that! Anyway, we got through dinner and no poop. Finally, around 9pm it was time to put the little one to bed and she had an entourage follow her into her nursery to wish her sweet dreams. As soon as we put her in the crib, she let out the loudest, juiciest toot I have ever heard coming from such a small body. Now, this is the really sad part...ready? People actually cheered and my brother raced to grab her out of the crib to check her diaper. Want to know something even sadder yet? I had to stop him and let Nicole do it because she looked like she really wanted to find the poop. Lo and behold, with the opening of that diaper, we found a large deposit of poop. We all happily looked on (yes, we all looked on. Sorry, kiddo) as Nicole changed her diaper and then.....bbbblllllllhhhhhhhh. Another juicy toot and full on diaper load. Change her up, get her ready for bed again and....bbbbbllllllhhhhhh. Yes, another full on diaper. I'm telling you...she was just saving it up to make things more dramatic for everyone. Finally, after her 4th diaper change, she was again empty and ready for bed.
Now, she has a long first name which is made up of Nicole's grandmother's first name and my grandmother's first name. My understanding is that Nicole's grandmother could run with the big dogs when it came to passing gas and, I'm proud to say, our little girl is making her namesake proud!
