I've mentioned in a previous entry that I have put on about 10 lbs since I became pregnant which some of you may be saying to yourselves, "Well, that's ok". Sure, but let me put it into perspective for you. Since, as I have also previously mentioned, I enjoy eating and am a self-proclaimed foodie, my omniscient (and not at all self-serving) insurance company has suggested that I gain a maximum of 15 lbs due to my starting BMI (I think that stands for Big Macs Ingested). Which means that I can gain 5 lbs over the next 23 weeks. Are you kidding me?!?!? I gain that much when I don't have a little person adding a studio apartment to my midsection!!! I'm sure I can gain the last 5 lbs by my next blog entry!!!
On the flip side, however, I have had a few people tell me that they have gained 70, 80, 90, and 100 lbs with their first children. That's for one child?!?! Are you kidding? And, people, you should see the women telling me about this. They are not overweight by any stretch of the imagination. So what the hell does that mean for people with high Big Mac whatevers?!?!WHAT?!?!? OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod...LIARS!!!!! That whole eating for two thing is a LIE?!?!?! YOU BASTARDS!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!!! Here I was all excited about that whole prospect and I don't even get to eat for 1.5! You want to know why? I'll tell you why? Apparently, you only need about 300 extra calories a day to support the little womb developer making a game room in your uterus. Crap. Way to burst my food bubble. AND LET ME TELL YOU THE WORST PART ABOUT ALL OF THIS MYTHOLOGICAL LICENSE TO EAT FREELY...EACH WEEK IN THOSE DAMN PREGNANCY BOOKS, THEY COMPARE THAT GROWING INTERIOR DESIGNER TO A DIFFERENT FOOD ITEM!! Twisted, sadistic, editorial bastards. And, for those of you playing at home, this week we are an avocado. Hmmm....guacamole.
Ok, so basically, all this means is that I need to be careful about my weight and how much cake I eat, right?...Wait! What?!?! NO CAKE?!?!?!? ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?!?! Ok. Ok. I can do this. How about just a donut hole. That shouldn't really count, right? Just one. I mean, it's the part of the donut they are going to throw away, right? That can't be worth any kind of calories if they are just going to throw it away. Right? Fine. So my logic is a bit flawed, but I have some advice for you. Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.
i have a suggestion, try weight watchers. i did it about 6 years ago and it worked very well for me. i was never deprived of food, the food was decent and i lost weight. not telling you to try WW for the weight loss, but for the weight managament without starving yourself cause gaining only 5 lbs is unthinkable. but i know there were pregnant women there when i was a member who were there to maintain their pregnancy weight so they didn't go over what their doctors recommended. i personally have already gained 11 lbs and they say at this point you gain a pound a week so i will basically be starting all over with the weight loss game after the baby is born. i hate skinny people that go right back to their size after birth. lol
ReplyDeleteoh and you forgot that your uterus is about the size of a canteloupe now too... yup, everything is referred to food! errrrr.
Remember these diet tips:
ReplyDelete1. Broken cookies have no calories (they all leak out when they break).
2. Carrot cake is an unlimited vegetable
3. Doughnut Holes have no calories, they are holes and by definition are nothing.
4. Most importantly, if no one sees you eat it, it does not count!!!
These work, I have lost hundreds of pounds (when you add up all the attemps) using those basic guidelines.